Please Stand By

Sometimes God speaks to me audibly.

I'm not saying that the woman in the Costco self checkout is God--He'd use better grammar ("Your savings is..." *shudder*  I've seriously thought of writing to the corporation)--but Monday I heard him speak to me through that voice.  (It's surprising how often He uses imperfect vessels.)

Whenever possible I use the self-checkout.  It's just so hard to be patient while someone else is pokey and packs the hamburger buns on the bottom.  Yes, I say something about the buns (much to the horror of my children, but seriously!), and, no, I don't have control issues, just an appreciation of things done well.  However, it is inconvenient when there's a glitch.  Like on Monday when I swiped a shirt and placed it on the belt.  Wouldn't take.  I tried again.  And again.

"Help is required for this item.  Please stand by.  Help is on the way."  Thankfully, her grammar was correct at this stressful moment.  The only way I was going to leave the store with that shirt (half price and a lovely shade of blue!) was if I waited.  Waited for help.  Help that was apparently on the way.

That's when I laughed out loud.

Indeed.

Help is required for this item.

Please stand by.

Help is on the way.

That thought which had been pinging around in my head all morning...  How could I solve that particular problem?  I could...what if I...or maybe if I...  "I" was part of every solution I could imagine.  Yet clearly help was required for this item.

Please stand by, Michelle.  Help is on the way!

I don't always wait well (see above regarding self checkout).  I frequently wear myself to a nub trying to solve problems.  Sure, action on my part is usually required, but I'm a hamster on a wheel when I think I'm the source of the solution.

"Be still in the presence of the Lord and wait patiently for him to act.  Don't worry..."

"I waited patiently for the Lord to help me and he...heard my cry...lifted me out of the pit of despair, out of the mud and the mire..."

"No one who waits for you will ever be put to shame."

Wait.  Patiently.  Don't worry.  Worry causes mire in my brain.  While I waited for the clerk...in that moment of stillness...that stillness I frequently avoid though my impatience...truth surfaced.

God was definitely speaking to me in that annoying and often grammatically incorrect android voice.  Help was required.  In that moment I determined to "stand by" and believe that "help is on the way."

That was five days ago...  At least half the solution has unfolded.  I have every reason to believe that if I continue to stand by, all the help I need will arrive.

It's kinda peaceful.

Psalm 37:7; 40:1-2 NLT

Psalm 25:3 GN

Dance on Your Disappointment

Monday we stood on the dusty roadside of a mountain pass peering under the open hood of our van.  Acrid, too hot scent stinging our noses.  An irregular knocking filling our ears.  Only one set of eyes knew what they were seeing, but five hearts were sinking.  We were supposed to be off on an adventure, having a change, a rest.  The only wise choice was to turn around and try to get back to the nearest town.

Naturally, there were tears and questions.  The little one leaned against me with a small sob and said, "We've had a lot of disappointments lately, Mommy."  I knew she was thinking of the Big Disappointment which was now about six weeks past but still fresh in our hearts.  Then she asked how I could bear this one.  The simple answer was, "I know He loves me."  Deeper than that, I had an epiphany right there in that melting mountain pass--I'd claimed Hope Territory in the time of the Big Disappointment.

We'd gone more than three months with mom, the heart and soul of the family, out of commission.  Quiet Christmas sans turkey dinner, limping along through the basics, postponing holidays, and continually praying for healing.  Into the fourth month and there was a cancellation, they would take me in for surgery.  Hope rose.  Only to be crushed after hours of waiting.  I'd have to be bumped to another day...a month away.  We cried together, feeling quite like we'd been taken out at the knees.  The long struggle had worn on us all.

I'd been sixteen hours without food, water or medication while waiting for my surgery.  With all those needs finally met, I slipped into the blessed relief of sleep while my family cuddled together with a movie.  A few hours later I returned to cognizance with one urgent thought, "You need to dance on this disappointment."

What a silly idea!  And not because, as my curly-haired family frequently tells me, I dance like a white woman.   Physically, I was no condition to dance and who dances anyway when they haven't got a clue how they're going to get through another month of this?  But I know that Voice and I've learned it's worth listening to...

So I found the song that said what I needed to say and I played it.  On repeat.  Loud enough to saturate my senses. And I sang and sang and twirled around as best I could until hope rose.  I sang and twirled some more until I was bursting with hope.  When I finally flopped down breathless I still didn't know how...how anything, but I knew that I knew that I knew that God loves me and that nothing is impossible for Him.  I knew that as long as I could dance on my disappointment, thereby declaring my confidence in His goodness, He would make something glorious out of this whole big mess.  For me and for my family.

Navigating disappointment isn't easy.  It's important to be honest and process our sadness.  But we can't live there.  Disappointment pulls with a tremendous gravitational force, trying to hold us down.  Self pity encourages us to put down roots in that place.  Disappointment is a place to go through.

We can, in fact, be "perplexed, but not in despair...cast down, but not destroyed."  Whether your setback is great or small, I encourage you to dance.  Dance on your disappointment. 

Dance.  As though your life depends on it.

What joy for those whose strength comes from the Lord,

who have set their minds on a pilgrimage to Jerusalem

When they walk through the Valley of Weeping

it will become a place of refreshing springs.

The autumn rains will clothe it with blessings.

They will continue to grow stronger, 

and each of them will appear before God in Jerusalem.

Psalm 84:5-7

2 Corinthians 4:8-10

The Basis of Hope

She told me.  Right to my face.  She suspected that cheerful, hopeful people couldn't possibly be very intelligent.  Really smart people comprehend the full ramifications of the dire straight that is the state of our universe.  And it's impossible to be very hopeful or cheerful when you're so fully informed.

I laughed.  I really did.  I couldn't help it!  Maybe I didn't try, I don't know.  It's just that this joy is irrepressible.  Which probably confirmed her point.

It really is foolishness to believe that the impossible could be possible.  To have hope when there's no hope of our circumstances changing.  When the prognosis is bleak.  When the relationship has been fragmented for years.  When we've failed repeatedly to change.

It's utterly foolish to believe that a crushed lifeless body, devoid of heartbeat for three days, could live again.  Yet it happened.  It's been historically validated and it's power is still evident in our lives.  Even death is impotent in the presence of the Spirit of the Almighty God!

We have this hope that is an anchor for our souls...

Oh, this hope we have!  It's so much more than a lackadaisical, Pollyannic good cheer.  Much more substantial than the vapor that is the power of my own positive thinking which burns away quickly in the heat of the marathon.  This hope we have is based in the resurrection.  Every promise we've been given is backed by the same power that raised Jesus from the dead!  This same power lives inside you who are called by His name.

Hebrews 6:19

The Bride Price

What on earth does Good Friday have to do with a wedding feast?  How on earth could a bloody, gruesome death be connected to the finest of all occasions?

Yet, it is.

I can't quite bear to look straight at all that it meant for Christ, the perfect sinless Son of God, to be pierced and mangled and cast into hell on my behalf.  Him, tormented in hell, instead of me.  A glimpse is all it takes to send me to my knees...it's hard to breathe when I think of what He's spared me.

How much more the crushing despair of the disciples?  That ragtag lot who'd abandoned everything and placed their hope in this Messiah.  They saw Him with their own eyes.  Crushed and lifeless.  Their sky turned black. They felt the earth heave beneath their feet.  Terror and grief.  Utter hopelessness.

We have the privilege of knowing what those grieving disciples couldn't even imagine.  It might be Friday, but Sunday is coming.  We know the rest of the story...there's a resurrection.

Not only is there a resurrection, but we're invited to a feast that trumps all feasts, not just as honored guests, but as the Bride herself!

To we who have fallen in repentant grief at the foot of the cross, the risen Savior has come and lifted our faces to meet His eyes. His Spirit has called us to come...to be prepared for a Wedding Feast.  This unfathomable groom doesn't just call us to the feast, but also provides the dowry and makes us His Bride.

Good Friday is the invitation to the wedding. The invitation is open to everyone.  Respond and receive the gift of freedom from the deadly cost of your sin.  He paid the price willingly, even eagerly, so great is His longing for you.

"Come!" say the Spirit and the Bride.

Whoever hears, echo, "Come!"

Is anyone thirsty?  Come!

All who will, come and drink,

Drink freely of the Water of Life!

Revelation 22:17

Do Ya Dare?

Hope is risky business.

That sense of eager expectation.  Anticipation.

It involves vulnerability.

Only those who hope can be disappointed.

Through all these months of medical ups and downs this purveyor of hope has been challenged.  One disappointment and delay after another.  There have been times when it felt like too much work, too much risk, too much potential pain...to dare hope again.

Cynicism is such excellent armour against disappointment.  Funny and witty!  Sophisticated, even.  But in the alone times it's a soul desert devoid of real joy.

Between the proverbial rock and the hard place.  To live without hope is to suffocate, but to hope again might be...will be, at times...costly.

There really is nothing new under the sun and 3,500 years ago there was a group of people who had endured slavery for many years, enough generations to have hope bred right out of them.  Along came Moses who told them that God says he's going to set you free!  Yeah, right.  They refused to listen.  "They had become too discouraged by the brutality of their slavery."  Who can blame them?

The good news?  The state of their emotions didn't change the nature of the One who promised or the power of the promise.

Actually, things got worse before they got better for those ancient people.  It's often that way.  Still the power of the promise was not lessened.  Its fulfillment only nearer.

The only difference between those who dared to hope and those who didn't was the joy they had in the waiting.

Selah.  Pause and think on that.

Two weeks post surgery and I'm definitely feeling better. Dare I hope?  I don't have the pathology report yet.  What if...?

What if, indeed.  I have a Papa who knows the contents of that report before it is even written.  Not one iota of it will be a surprise to Him.  And He is faithful.  He will never leave me or forsake me.  He delights in every detail of my life.  His plans for me are good.

Pondering all of that goodness fuels hope.

Oh! May the God of green hope fill you up with joy, 

fill you up with peace, 

so that your believing lives, 

filled with the life-giving energy of the Holy Spirit, 

will brim over with hope!

Romans 15:13 MSG

Celebration of Waiting

Advent...it's a celebration of waiting...which makes no sense at all.

Who likes waiting?

I'm waiting for something.  Urgently.  This waiting is sort of consuming my life, blocking out the big picture.  I feel like I can't get on with things until the waiting is over.

My kids are waiting too.  They can hardly stand the wondering if they'll find what they desire most under the tree on Christmas morning.

We're all waiting for something...

So we need this season of celebrating waiting.  We're remembering that even though the waiting was long, oh, so very long, the Promise came. We're remembering all the waiting that ended with fulfilment.  Some of the waiting was hope-filled and some was anguished and despair-filled.  The fulfilment wasn't dependent upon the emotions of the those who waited but on the nature of the One who promised.  This is really good news for me.

Three hundred plus promises...endless waiting...and every promise was fulfilled.  Every single one.

The Son of God, Immanuel, became flesh and lived among us.  Light entered the darkness and nothing, absolutely nothing...no maniacal killer, no unfaithful friend, no sickness or sorrow...can EVER extinguish that light.

I don't understand the waiting.  Truly I don't.  Today seems as good a day as any for the waiting to end.  But this I know:  the waiting doesn't diminish the power of the promise.

This is the promise I'm holding on to today...

A child has been born--for us!  

The gift of a son--for us!  

...and there will be no limits to the wholeness he brings!

No limits.

Wholeness.

Come, Lord Jesus, come.

Isaiah 9:6-7 MSG

Revelation 22:20

Who do You Smell Like?

I've been missing my friend Connie.  She moved this summer and I haven't seen her for a few months.  She taught piano lessons to my kids and I loved that we had a scheduled "check in". Just a moment in the doorway when we'd look into each other's eyes to see what really was the answer to, "How are you?"  We'd know.  Then we'd exchange a quick hug and I'd be off to make dinner and she to teach another lesson.

Later on I'd catch a whiff of her lovely perfume...I could smell a trace of her scent left on my clothing from our hug.  I loved it.  It's not so much that I loved the aroma as much as all the joy and affection that I associate with it.

Every single time this happened I would wonder what sort of scent I had been leaving behind...  Not literally--though I am fairly paranoid about body odour--but figuratively.  The answer to that question lies in what I've been soaking.

Some days it's the cesspool of self-pity or ingratitude.  I may as well get real--cesspool is just a fancy word for septic tank.  So if that's what I've been soaking in, I'm going to leave behind a, well, crappy scent.  You'll be so glad you hung out with me...or not.

If my heart has been bent toward gratitude, I'm likely to leave behind a much more pleasant scent.

There's a fragrance I want to leave more than any other...the essence of the incredible Love that has rescued me.  I want you to know that no matter how terrible your day has been, no matter the challenges you're facing, no matter how miserably you've failed...there is One whose arms are wide open, longing to pour healing and hope-filled Love into you.

His name is Jesus.

But thank God!

He...continues to lead us along in Christ's triumphal procession.

Now he uses us to spread the knowledge of Christ everywhere,

like a sweet perfume.

2 Corinthians 2:14 NLT

                                                                                                                                 

Mother's Day Hike

All I wanted to do on Mother's Day was go for a hike.  I have no idea why I put myself through this as the kids tend to be really grumpy or whiny when we subject them to such tortures...  But my husband is never happier than when rambling in the woods.  The winter has been long and I ache for fresh air and outdoor freedom.  We've gotten pretty good at tuning out all the bellyaching--they've been known to forget how horrible it is and actually enjoy themselves.


We set off up the "mountain," as the locals call the highest hill in the County.  The sun was shining--almost hot--and baby leaves were bursting out much like the joy in my heart.  My honey has a permanent upward turn to his mouth when we're all together outdoors.  The dog was cavorting wildly through mud bogs and underbrush.


One child tromped ahead with a scowl, seriously hoping we wouldn't meet any of her friends on quads while she hiked along like a plebeian.  One lagged behind moaning about the weight of the backpack (which he insisted on bringing).


My contentment was undisturbed.  My joy multiplied when Brian told me with an even bigger smile that he was going to show me a trail he'd discovered.  That's the kind of gift he really loves to give.


We called ahead to the tromping one that we were turning off here and she needed to come.  She argued, he insisted, and off we went.  It wasn't long until we realized that she hadn't joined us.  Seems she was sure we were all going to end up in the same place.  She thought wrong.


I was once that tromping one, veering off in the wrong direction so sure I was right.  So annoyed that everyone was freaking out.  So confident we would all end up in the same place.  What's the big deal?  Jeepers.  I know what I'm doing!


Daddy went back for his little girl.  He loves that stubborn little one and knew she'd become hopelessly lost without him.  He pointed out the path for us and reassured us that we would meet up ahead. I hated to see him go!  Actually, I resented the fact he needed to go, but I recognized the love.  I was torn between mercy and a desire to see her suffer the consequences of her actions.


My Father pursued me when I was on the wrong path too--He knew I would become hopelessly lost without Him.  My poor choices also caused pain for those who loved me.  I deserved all kinds of things, but not His mercy.  Yet He pursued me with love, never giving up until I followed Him back to the right path.  A crazy love lavished on the one who had rejected Him!


Meanwhile, we continued down the path Daddy had chosen.  One grumping and bewailing the fact that it was too hard, too long, and probably wouldn't get us where we wanted to go. The other little one trucked along enjoying the beauty of the path.  Once in a while she would pause and search my eyes--was I sure this was the right way?  I'd reassure her that Daddy knew what he was talking about and we could trust him.


I've also been like the grumping one--on the right path but complaining and unthankful, missing all the beauty and subjecting others to my misery.  No doubt others around me on the journey wished I'd just shut up and enjoy it already.  And I have been like the little one joyfully ascending the mountain stopping for reassurance from time to time.  I'm so thankful for all the ones who have encouraged me in those wondering moments that I can, indeed, trust the Father.  Follow the path He's directed and all will be well.


True to his word, we were reunited with Daddy and the (somewhat subdued) lost-and-found one.  Together we scaled the last very steep bit.  The wind whipped around us as we stood at the summit laughing.


The vista was breathtaking.


Absolutely worth the journey. 

If when we were at our worst,

we were put on friendly terms with God by the sacrificial death of his Son,

now that we're at our best,

just think of how our lives will expand and deepen

 by means of his resurrection life!

Now that we have actually received this amazing friendship with God,

we are no longer content to simply say it in plodding prose.

We sing and shout our praises to God through Jesus, the Messiah!

Romans 5:10-11 MSG

Stones of Remembrance

Several years ago we had a mostly new group of people in our home fellowship group so we did a getting-to-know-each-other-better exercise.  We each took a stone and wrote a word on it that represented a time in our lives when we saw God help us in a significant way.  Then we told our stories to each other.

This exercise was based on Joshua 4:4-7:

So Joshua called together the twelve men he had chosen...

He told them, "...Each of you must pick up one stone and carry it on your shoulder...

...We will use these stones to build a memorial.

In the future your children will ask you,

'What do these stones mean?'

Then you can tell them, 'They remind us...

that the Jordan River stopped flowing when the 

Ark of the Lord's Covenant went across.'

These stones will stand as a memorial among the people of Israel forever.

It was a profoundly moving exercise and the beginning of a great bond in our group.  When the evening was over I took the stones my husband and I had written on and put them on the window sill.

The house we were living in at the time was 1300 square feet.  When my kids (then ages 3, 4 &7) woke up the next morning, the very first thing they noticed was the stones.

They asked.  

I told them, "They remind us..."

Of course they wanted to do their own stones!  We built a little pile on the window sill.  It grew.  Some got scattered along the way.  I've tried to keep them on a tray of candles.  Long periods of time go by and we don't really think about adding another stone (though I know we overlook many opportunities).

Yesterday, my son added another stone.

You see, we gave him a bow and arrow for Christmas--something his warrior heart has passionately longed for.  It turned out it wasn't a very good one so we took it back to the store.  Unfortunately, they didn't have another with which to replace it.  My husband did a lot of research.  The next best thing we could find was quite a bit more expensive.  Devin was frustrated.  Discouraged.  Sometimes angry.  He felt like this always happens.

Yesterday husband and son visited an archery club so they could try out a variety of bows to get an idea of what they should be looking for.  They had so much fun!  The club was full of life-like targets and people who know a lot about archery.  Kind strangers gave my son all kinds of tips.  He tried out a variety of bows.  He was in boy heaven!

Then someone gave him a really excellent bow their child no longer used.  To keep.  I wish you could have seen his face when he came bursting through the door to show me.  It was even better than what he thought he wanted.  The wait had been very, very hard for his little heart, but now it was all worth it!


After all the exuberant story-telling and demonstrations, he wrote on his own stone of remembrance.

A foundation of faith is being laid.  He's going to need the reminder.  He has higher mountains to climb and bigger rivers to cross.  Hopefully, the stone will help him remember.  His Father is with him.  He cares about the things that matter to his heart.  God's plan is always better than what we think we want.

Remembering gives us strength to endure the waiting with joy.

Whatever you're facing today, you've been prepared for it.  Remember what He has done.  

Take courage.  

Hope.

So be strong and courageous, all you who put your hope in the Lord!  

Psalm 31:24

Good for Your Health

Hope is good for your health.  Weariness, anxiety, and dread weaken us body, soul, and spirit.  "A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit dries up the bones" or "saps a person's strength."  Don't we know it!

All this pondering and pursuing of hope this week has been good for me.  Letters from other hope pursuers have inspired me.  I'm not nearly as tired as I "should" be on a Friday night.

I see that the Lord is always with me.

I will not be shaken, for he is right beside me.

No wonder my heart is glad,

and my tongue shouts his praises!

My body rests in hope.

~ As I was drafting this post, I got a message from my beautiful sister-in-love Erin that her health situation has gone from worse to...worser?  The words are blurring through my tears.  I pause and wonder if I can post such a thing at such a time...  I can because hope isn't truly hope until it faces something we can't fix or change on our own.

I'm confident that God is right beside her...that He cares...that we will look back and see His hand...I see her surrounded by a loving community, but the wait has been so very long.  Will you pray with me for Erin, that her hope will be renewed, and that the miracle will come soon?

May your heart be glad and body be at rest as you place your confidence in the Lord.

Proverbs 17:22b KJV/NLT;  Acts 2:25-26 NLT

When You're Low on Hope

What do we do when we run low on hope?  Some days life comes at us from all directions and some days the wait for the promise gets long...  Our hope gets battered.  Never mind "extreme hope," we'd be happy for a shred of hope!

First of all, I think it's really important to be honest when we're feeling low on hope.  (Nothing will sap that last little bit of hope energy like trying to pretend you're something that you're not.)  It happens.  We're human.  There is no condemnation, but there are ways to have your hope refreshed.

There are a few things that help me a lot...

Such things were written in the Scriptures long ago to teach us.

And the Scriptures give us hope and encouragement

as we wait patiently for God's promises to be fulfilled.

I have my favourites.  Both Joseph of the multi-coloured coat and King David inspire me.  So much adversity...so many times it looked like circumstances and other people were wrecking the good plan...but God's promises were still fulfilled.  Just reading and rereading certain Psalms can refresh my hope.

I also love hearing the God stories of others.  I challenge you to ask someone you consider faith-filled to tell you one of their best God stories.  Chances are it'll remind you of something in your own life and before you know it, you'll be hope-full again.  In fact, both of you will be renewed!

Finally, when you're running low on hope ask someone to pray for you.  It's always a bit of a risk.  I dread getting a whole lot of well-intentioned advice or being misunderstood, but a wise friend will let you pour out your heart and then carry you to the heart of the Father in prayer.  Some of my friends prayed for me this week when I was feeling really weary in my home schooling and it changed everything.  I may never stop being surprised by what a huge difference it makes when I ask someone to pray for me.

Glory to the One who is the source of our hope and who sustains our hope!

Blessing you with the shred of hope you need.  Feed that hope and you'll have extreme hope, overflowing hope.  Hope that preys on hopelessness.

I pray that God, the source of hope,

will fill you completely with joy and peace

because you trust in him.

Then you will overflow with confident hope

through the power of the Holy Spirit.

Romans 15:4, 13

P.S.  If you need someone to pray for you and you don't know who to ask, send me a private message.  I'll pray.

More Than Optimism

Ten years ago I was in the home of someone I barely knew.  In their washroom was an artfully decorated and framed quote.  I had to copy the words.  It was beautifully written.  If the hosts thought it was strange that I came out scrabbling for pen and paper and returned to the washroom, they were too polite to mention it!  :-)  I've had that little scrap of paper under the blotter on my desk ever since.

Hope is definitely not the same thing as optimism.  

It is not the conviction that something will turn out well,

BUT THE CERTAINTY THAT SOMETHING MAKES SENSE 

regardless of how it turns out.

I later learned that this was written by Vaclev Havel while he was being held as a political prisoner under a communist regime.  He was there because he believed in and was vocal about freedom.  He had hope that Czechoslovakia would be a free country again.  

I don't know if he knew that he was quoting the essence of one of my favourite hope verses, but he was:

And we know that God causes everything to work together

for the good of those who love God

and are called according to his purpose for them.

This verse doesn't say that God causes everything...humans cause all kinds of trouble.  But he can make something beautiful out of anything for those who are willing to trust Him with their lives.  

This is hope.  

It's a promise I've put to the test.  There's no limit to what kind of circumstances He can transform.  

This is more than the power of positive thinking.  It's a promise backed by the character of God.

Extreme hope that preys on hopelessness.

Romans 8:28 NLT

Extreme Hope

Last week my beautiful friend Jen sent me a text in which she said, "I bless you with extreme hope, abiding faith, extreme hope that preys on hopelessness."

It kind of blew my hair back.  It's like she had seen into a secret place and typed out one of my heart's desires.  It's a longing that has defied description, but she described it.  I've been savouring those words.

I have hope.  Lots of hope.  Hope is one of the words that defines my life.  My passion is to spread hope.

But I'm timid too.

Sometimes I'm afraid that you will think I don't understand the depth of your pain and disappointment.  And I might not.  Your pain may not the same as mine.  I haven't walked the same road you walk.  I don't want to seem insensitive.  I hesitate...not because I don't believe in the hope, not because I haven't experienced glorious hope, but because I'm afraid you might not believe me when I say it's for you too.  So I hold back.

Sometimes I consider the stories of others and wonder would I still have this hope if I'd gone through that?

I've decided that the answer is yes.  Hope isn't relative to circumstances.  People who have gone through "that" have told me that it's as real for them as it is for me--perhaps more so.  Hope is a confidence in the person of Jesus Christ, a firm expectation that God will do what He says He'll do.  That His plans are always good.  That He can make something beautiful out of the worst of human messes.

"Extreme hope that preys on hopelessness."

I receive that blessing, Jen.  I'm praying for a courage that won't hesitate to invite Hope into any and every situation.  I want to fearlessly wage war on hopelessness.

He will not crush those who are weak, 

or quench the smallest hope until he brings full justice with his final victory.

And His name will be the hope of all the world.

Matthew 12:20-21

Loss and Hope

My Aunt Barb visited this weekend.  We haven't seen each other for 21 years.  Life has led each of us to different parts of the country, and sometimes to different continents.  It was so wonderful to be with her and for my husband and children to become acquainted with her.

Our visiting also stirred up some pain that had been lying dormant.  Her husband was my favourite uncle.  I guess he still is, but I haven't seen him for 28 years.  He was taken from us, violently, by the hands of one whom we had cared for.  My Uncle Gerry was a pastor, a man who loved God, and truly believed that love should be lived out, poured out, on the broken and hungry.  He was killed "in the line of duty."

It almost felt wrong grieving again after so many years, but are there any rules about when grieving starts and ends?  Loss is...just that, loss.  There was a time when I wrestled and struggled and was so angry that God would let this evil happen.  I no longer hold Him responsible for the choices of men.  However, I am reminded that ANY time any of us listen to the lies of the enemy, choose sin, reject truth...there's a price to pay.  

Sin causes pain.

I talked to my aunt for hours.  We caught up as adults.  She raised, I am raising, three kids.  Her story is full of miracles--the greatest being the power of forgiveness.  No less amazing to me are all the stories of miraculous provision.  Sin may have stolen her husband in his prime, but Jesus has not abandoned her.

Jesus brings healing.  He paid the eternal price AND He brings healing to us here and now.

There are still fracture lines of pain running through our extended family because of this loss.  There is also a powerful testimony that God and His love are real and that there's hope for healing after devastating loss.  

I have a burning passion to tell you, to tell everyone, that there's healing for you, that the pain doesn't need to multiply and spread.  That God doesn't just heal our hearts, He promises to "repay two blessings for each of your troubles."   He promises that there will be a day when "He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain."*

This is no pie-in-the-sky promise.  I've seen the down payment on the promise...the joy in my aunt, the end of the torment in my own heart, in the hundreds who have received the gift of God's love in the wake of my uncle's death.  In his life and death they saw what Love looks like.

Because of the covenant I made with you, sealed with blood,

I will free your prisoners from death...

Come back to the place of safety,  all you prisoners who still have hope!

I promise this very day that I will repay two blessings for each of your troubles.

Zechariah 9:11-12 NLT

*Revelation 21:4

Unfolding Grace

I went Christmas shopping today--I'm usually finished by now--and all my good ideas ended up nowhere.  I had to resist the tidal wave of consumer frenzy that surrounded me and threatened to overcome me with the urge to buy everything, anything, just to get it done!  Never mind my own panic at not being firmly in control of crossing things off my list.   Had to dig deep for the peace that's rooted in knowing that a great Love surrounds me and cares about the details of my life, the people I want to bless.  He cares...

Then my husband didn't agree with me on the one gift I did think would work.  My teeth clenched against the rise of words that won't help.  Struggled against the sense of frustration that this responsibility rests more on me than on him.  Fight.  Fight to honour and cherish relationship over getting things my way...

He met me there in those hard choices...  Slowly peace overtook panic and anger.  Slowly.  So slowly, I'm learning that things ultimately work out really well when I surrender to His grace.  He offers it to me and through me.

Grace, kindly and gently, working out ALL things for good in the heart that keeps on turning...and returning when it loses it's way...to the Source of all hope, comfort, and strength.

So we're not giving up.  How could we!

Even though on the outside it often looks like things are falling apart on us,

on the inside, where God is making new life,

not a day goes by without his unfolding grace...

There's far more here than meets the eye.

The things we see now are here today, gone tomorrow.

But the things we can't see now will last forever.

2 Corinthians 4:16, 18

Courage

"Be of good courage and he shall strengthen your heart!"

I think I'm talking to the kids about long division...but maybe, just maybe, I'm talking to me...

He shall strengthen my heart.

I'm telling the kids that they have all the resources necessary:  pencils, paper, a knowledge of their multiplication tables and my help at hand.  They simply lack courage.  They're daunted by the numbers on the page and the memories of past failures.  They need need the courage to pick up their pencil and do the first step.

I need to be of good courage and take the first step...in that challenging task, the thing I don't really feel like doing, the phone call I'm not sure I want to make.  Resources and abilities, I've got 'em.  Help available--He's there, willing and ready.  Courage.  I just need the courage to take the first step.

He will strengthen my heart.

He will strengthen your heart.

How great is the goodness you have stored up for those who fear you.

You lavish it on those who come to you for protection,

blessing them before the watching world.

You hide them in the shelter of your presence, safe...

You heard my cry for mercy and answered my cry for help...

So be strong and courageous,

all you who put your hope in the Lord!

Psalm 31:19-20, 24

When You're Weary of Hoping

What do you do in this season of joyful expectancy when it seems like you're the only one not feeling it?  The Advent...the coming...of December 25 may be a certainty...but the weariness of the waiting...the secret cry in your heart...for the coming of life to that dead place, the dead relationship, your dead dreams, your disappointments...you wonder if the fulfilment of that promise will ever come.  When the "Hope" candle was lit on Sunday did you look away?  And feel ashamed for it?  Sometimes it hurts to keep hoping.


He knows.


I could tell you hundreds of stories of the answer, the Life, the fulfillment of the promise coming after the long weary waiting.  It might encourage you to hang on a little longer, but for today I need simply to tell you that it's okay...He's made a provision for the weary days.

...the moment we get tired in the waiting,

 God's Spirit is right alongside helping us along.

 If we don't know how or what to pray, it doesn't matter. 

He does our praying in and for us, 

making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans...

That's why we can be so sure
 that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good.

He is so full of love for you and care about what matters to you that He's even made a way for the weary days...for the days when hope is a slim thread.  He takes all your wordless sighs and aching groans into His heart of love as if it was the most eloquent prayer...and He promises to make something good out of it all.  Just for today, just for this moment, rest in that love.

The Lord is like a father to his children, tender and compassionate to those who fear him.  For he knows how weak we are; he remembers we are only dust...

Romans 8:26-28 MSG

Psalm 103:13-14 NLT

Joyful Expectancy

This morning there was a joyous scramble for the pieces of our advent calendar.  Ours is magnetic and each day until the 25th a piece of the nativity scene will appear on the fridge.  The youngest always has his turn first and he carefully placed the first piece, an outline of the stable.  The other pieces and figures were lovingly spread out and talked about.  The little one can't wait to add her favourite angel, she's counted out the days and she knows she'll be the one to place it.

Anticipation.  It's everywhere.  The waiting and the hoping.  It's active, not passive.  There's an alertness to the waiting.  There's no lethargy or hopelessness.  Everyone knows that it's coming--we're just waiting.

All yearning for that which is promised and coming...

Kids can't wait to open gifts, adults can't wait for days off, families can't wait to gather...and it's all a faint reflection of the great inborn longing for the coming of promised freedom.

We received the down payment on the promise when the Son of God came and lived clothed in human flesh.  We see the promise birthed in our hearts as a hope and a love far greater than what we could conjure on our own.  We wait to see the fullness of peace on earth and in every heart...and so we wait for the advent, the coming...

These sterile and barren bodies of ours are yearning for full deliverance.

That is why waiting does not diminish us, 

any more than waiting diminishes a pregnant mother. 

We are enlarged in the waiting. 

We, of course, don't see what is enlarging us.

But the longer we wait, the larger we become, 
and the more joyful our expectancy.

Romans 8:23-25 MSG

Faith

It started snowing Wednesday afternoon.  My kids had been waiting for it, longing for it, ever since we took the pool down.  Within minutes they were outside.  There was only the barest skiff  of white on the ice of the dugout and they were making snow angels.  No need for two feet of the stuff before they feel the joy.

"Now faith is the substance of things hoped for..."  These words go through my head as I watch from the window.  A more modern translation says, "Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen..."

The kids are hoping for enough snow to ski/board on.  Hopefully by tomorrow.  The fact that there's only enough to make the skimpiest of snow angels isn't hampering their joy one bit.  They've seen evidence of things "hoped for".

I think we grownups need to live like that.  We've got the down payment.  Party like you know the rest is on the way!  It is.

 "Since he did not spare even his own Son but gave it up for us all,

won't he also give us everything else?"

Romans 8:32

Hebrews 11:1

He's Devising a Way

My recent venture into homeschooling has given rise to much thought on how God the Father relates to us, His kids.  My recognition of the need to love more like He loves has increased dramatically. (He's incredibly long suffering and patient--I am not!)  I've been spending a lot more time meditating on His love and what it looks like...which is guaranteed to make one fall more and more in love with Him!

I came across a verse that I feel I've never seen before.  (Don't you love it when that happens?)

"But God does not just sweep life away;

instead, he devises ways to bring us back when we have been separated from him."

2 Samuel 14:14b

He doesn't sweep life away...He devises ways to bring us back.  Wow.

He doesn't get angry or offended, rather He yearns to draw us back to Him.

For the soul aching with shame...He has no desire to sweep you away.  He's longing to restore your connection to Him.

For the one who feels they've messed up and wrecked things beyond repair...not so.

If your heart feels despair over one was has wandered and you've lost hope for restoration...take comfort.  He is, at this very moment, devising ways to bring that one back to Him.  Pray with renewed faith.

Comfort and conviction.

I sometimes want to "sweep away" those who irritate or inconvenience me.  This alone separates me from Him, but He has devised a way...  The capacity to sustain love for the unlovable isn't instinctive or human.  To love like He loves means soaking up His love for me so I can extend the same love to others.

 We love each other because he loved us first.

1 John 4:19