Tuesday, March 6, 2012


I tried to say what I meant, but it didn't come out that way...or maybe it did, but there was a filter and it wasn't understood.  It really mattered to me.  I wanted to be understood.  I may never know exactly what went awry, but what I do know is that communication is tricky and there have been a thousand times in my life when it's been hard.  Too hard.  I've made all kinds of "agreements" in those moments.  An open door for discouragement and heaviness to creep in.

My fingertips have been silent for a week.  I wanted to write, but it seemed the well had run dry.  I didn't like it.  Speaking, declaring, writing...words of hope unleashed in any form make me vibrantly, passionately alive.  The nasty double whammy is that heaviness, by it's very nature, makes it hard for us to find the key to precisely what is amiss.

Then call on me when you are in trouble,
and I will rescue you,
and you will give me glory...

I called.  And called.  I'm not always good at listening right away.  Quicker to make accusations about whose fault is what, to play the blame game.  A futile game that's not actually fun so I don't know why it's called a game...

Four days later I listened.  Really listened. Quietly.  Then I knew.  Pain had come because of who said what, but the heaviness came because of what I agreed with..and it wasn't what any human said.  It was the voices that say, "You don't make any sense.  You say stupid things.  You're really bad at communicating..."  It sounded enough like the truth that I believed it.  That was enough to shut down the flow.

I repented to the One who has filled me with words...sorry, so sorry, that I've believed the stupid lies again. Forgave the one who misunderstood.  I'm not always good at communicating.  I need grace.  Lots of it.  But I have been given something to say and I need to say it...no one else will say it in quite the same way or to the same people.  Because the words He gives are spirit and life, they're powerful.  Of course, the enemy will assault, attack, and undermine at every opportunity.

You have an assignment too.  It's unique to you and no one else can do it.  When you're on assignment you may feel terrified, but also vividly alive.  Perhaps you too can recognize that this gift gets horribly assaulted from time to time.  Call on Him when you're in trouble.  He will rescue.  Cast off the lie and shine.  We need you.

The rescued ones give Him glory!

He taught me how to sing the latest God-song,
a praise song to our God.
More and more people are seeing this:
they enter the mystery, abandoning themselves to God.
Psalm 40:3 MSG

Psalm 50:15


  1. Thank you for sharing this. Profound. I'm thankful that you recognized the problem and were able to deal with it. I'm glad you're back. :)

  2. Good work slogging right through the middle of the hard stuff.

    “Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.” Dr Seuss

    Thanks for sharing the words God gives you!

  3. I have spent many years believing if I could just phrase things exactly right, all misunderstandings would stop. It is a part-truth over extended to become lie, and one that comes with being a teacher of academics where the role often puts a person at odds with Assisi's prayer - to understand rather than be understood. We still live with the results from Babel, I think, and even though our fellows may all speak the same national language, sometimes it's very difficult to speak the "same language". It as if God likes us to wallow around in that a bit so when we make a connection with someone who GETS US, we see God. Maybe.

    I'm glad you're posting again, too!

  4. Terrified and vividly alive. Yup. Somewhere in the middle creativity shines. Thanks so much for reminding me that I have an assignment- true in the literal sense, but so much more in the "big picture" sense. I've printed this post and put it in my writing journal...

  5. Wow, I feel blessed by that feedback. Always a bit terrifying to "bare the soul" publicly...so I close my eyes and give it as an offering...my eyes pop wide with delight when I find it strikes a chord. :-) Blessing you all!

  6. Very deep, very real. Too true that we all at times agree with a lie that then cripples us. It's amazing sometimes to look back and see the unusual ways God uses to push us past the lie into truth about who He means us to be, but sometimes He just causes us to face it head-on. And, yes, you do have words - beautiful words that so obviously come springing up from Him within you! Thank you for being true! How can the bound loose the free? Love to you and yours!

    1. Thank you for those wonderfully encouraging words, Bethany! Blessing you and your crew too. :-)