Destiny Focused

Every year I print my blog posts for a few seniors I love.  Next to my Mom and Dad, Hanny and Otto may be my biggest fans.  If I had a million Hanny and Otto's, my husband could retire.  So, they were checking up on me to make sure I've been writing and I had to confess that I haven't been...  I had a couple speaking events in May that consumed my creative energy and then June ran me over as it usually does, I'm trying to write papers for a course I'm taking and then it had been so long since I'd blogged...where to start?  So I stayed stuck.  I wanted to write.  They told me that wasn't okay, that there are people who need to read what I write, they would pray, and I'd better sit down and prepare to write!

You get a bit of expectation when people like Hanny and Otto pray so I was waiting for it.  Sure enough on Wednesday I hit the web looking for pictures of our new little Prince George...and BAM!

American relatives recently grilled me on "the whole monarchy thing" and I really don't think I enlightened them much.  I told them how I love the Queen's Christmas message and how my heart shivers when she prays for us, her subjects.  How I respect her so much and how she believes her role is God-given and a serious responsibility.   I'm not sure I have an opinion on the future of the monarchy, but I do have an opinion on the disrespectful ways people express their opinions...

Anyway, Wednesday...snooping for royal baby pictures.  You know what I saw?  The same thing I've seen three times over.  I could relate to the look on Kate and Will's faces.  Their titles make no difference in that moment of wonder.  Kate's face told the story I know:  her world has been turned upside down by a squalling bundle.  A chunk of her heart will forever roam the world outside of her body.  Will, bursting with pride and protective joy, encircling wife and baby.   The wonder and the joy of it all is akin to ache.

And the little Prince!!  He's yummy!  A squishy little guy.  And completely oblivious.  He doesn't care that there are a million camera lenses aimed at him.  He's just snuggled up with his mamma.  He'll squawk when he's hungry...and stink when he poops.  In fact, he's not a whole lot different than the thousands of other babies born that day.

Except for his destiny.

And that was my ah-ha moment.  Knowing destiny makes all the difference.

It's what makes the difference in how we spend our time.  The risks we take.  The choices we make.  Knowing our destiny inspires us to push forward.  It lends courage.  It makes the opinions of others matter less.

Nehemiah had the destiny thing nailed.  Even though he was terrified, he boldly asked for the impossible.  Why?  Because God had put plans in his heart for Jerusalem.  He knew they weren't just his own good (crazy?) ideas.  He knew they were God's plans.  It seems everything that could go wrong did go wrong, but Nehemiah was undeterred in his vision.  He was scoffed at, insulted and assaulted.  His enemies went to ridiculous lengths to distract him but he remained calmly focused.  "I am in engaged in a great work, so I can't come.  Why should I stop working to come and meet with you?"

This great work of Nehemiah's?  It involved laying one stone on top of another, refusing to stop until it was done.  Moment by moment unremarkable, yet worthy of opposition and epic in it's completion.

You know the plans God has put in your heart. Maybe you're afraid to start or even to admit you know.  Maybe you've believed the lies and insults of jealous and small-minded people.  Maybe you feel you've disqualified yourself along the way.  Maybe in the one-stone-after-another monotony you've forgotten that each stone is part of an epic destiny.

It's time to silence the devices.  Extinguish the flashing screens.  Be still and know that He is God and He's created you with a destiny. What 'great work' is He calling you to?

"I am the Lord and there is no other.  I publicly proclaim bold promises.  I do not whisper obscurities in some dark corner.  I would not have told the people of Israel to seek me if I could not be found..." 

Are you seekking?  Does the answer sound too good to be true?  Bigger than you? His plans usually do.

I know the plans He's put in my heart though I might be afraid to spell them out for you.  I have wavered and I have floundered.  Felt disqualified by weakness rather than empowered by grace.  Been cowered by taunts and afraid I'm getting it all wrong. But I'm picking up the next stone and praying you will too.  Hopefully you have a Hanny and Otto to cheer you along to your glorious destiny.

I knew you before I formed you in your mother's womb.  

Before you were born I set you apart and appointed you... 

You saw me before I was born...every moment was laid out before a single day had passed.  

The Lord called me before my birth; from within the womb he called me by name.  

He said, "You are my servant...and you will bring me glory."

"I, the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel,

have made you glorious."

Nehemiah 2 & 6

Isaiah 45:18b-19

Jeremiah 1:5

Psalm 139:16

 Isaiah 49:1 & 3; 55:5b

Perfect Weakness

"My grace is sufficient...my strength is made perfect in weakness."

I feel like I've known these words my whole life.  In fact, I think my mother may have muttered them a lot.  Moms need a lot of grace.

They're beautiful words.  Poetic.

Yesterday, as I laid on a hospital bed for hours, these words ran insistently through my heart, on repeat.   I was hungry for understanding.  Needed that strength.

Weakness.  It's not something I like.  It might even be something I despise in myself.  Okay, it is.

Energy!  Competence!  Efficiency!  Helpful!  Those are my kind of words.

And I am all too aware of their absence in my life.  Recent weakness has been devoid of any loveliness, much less perfection.  It's humbling me.  It's costing others.

Seeking and hungering for more, I found what I needed.  Not in the morphine (though it was really lovely), but in the Greek dictionary on my smart phone.  The deeper layers of meaning in the beautiful words.

These words that were from the heart of God to Paul regarding physical weakness:

My grace...

...the merciful kindness by which God keeps, strengthens, increases faith, knowledge and affection...

...is sufficient for thee.

...to be strong, to be enough, to defend and ward off, as though raising a barrier.

For my strength...

...the inherent power of God which resides in him by virtue of his nature, a miraculous power...

...is made perfect...

...to carry though completely, to add what is yet wanting in order to render a thing full...

...in weakness.

...want of strength of the body (feebleness of health or sickness) 

or of the soul (want of strength and required capacity).

In other words,

"Michelle (add your name), 

I--your Heavenly Papa--

 gladly extend my merciful kindness to strengthen your faith 

and your knowledge of My affection for you.  

All that is in my nature I extend to you 

to carry you through completely.  

All that is in Me I extend to you

 to fill up what is lacking 

in the strength of your body 

and the capacity of your soul."

It really is enough.

It's for you too...whether its health in your body, mind, relationships...wherever the need.  He will add to what is yet wanting in order to render a thing full.

It's not you.  It's Him.  He will carry you through completely and make up all that you lack.

2 Corinthians 12:9

Coming Out

I didn't mean not to tell you.  In the beginning it just didn't seem like a big deal.

When it became a big deal I couldn't figure out how to casually mention it.  It would have been awkward to suddenly shout into the blogosphere that I felt like I was dying! No one likes a drama queen.  Or a hypochondriac.

I didn't want to worry anyone.  Honestly.

Sometimes we need to process a bit before sharing. This is true.

Besides, the internet is rife with "too much information"!  VERY true.

Then the medication made my brain so foggy I was sure nothing I could write would have made sense anyway (though I've enjoyed a few blogs that I'm pretty sure were written in a chemically-induced haze).  I hated feeling so dull and inarticulate!

It was just awkward!

It took over everything until really there was nothing else I could have written about.

Little threads of pride were woven through the strands of common sense.

I missed you.

One day I found myself with a fresh wind of hope but I didn't know how to go about sharing it as I'd been so reticent.  How could I explain without explaining?  But if I don't share...well, you know, I'm quite sure I might burst.

"My purpose in writing is to encourage you..."  Ah, yes.  And how can one encourage unless they've been in need of it themselves?  Hope isn't hope unless it's what you're hanging on to when there's little reason to hope.

How do you get yourself out of a tangle once tangled?

Apologizing is almost always an excellent place to start.

I'm sorry, truly sorry, that I've been awkward...and prideful...I really didn't set out to exclude you.  I'm sorry that I haven't invited you to share my burdens.  So now I will share the struggle.  Without acknowledging the struggle, the encouragement really is quite meaningless.

I've been unwell for a couple of months now.  Many trips to outpatients, clinics, and specialists, poking, prodding, jabbing, stabbing and scanning have lead the reassuring news that I'm not at risk of dying imminently.  Organs are malfunctioning, but I don't really need them any more anyway.  I would prefer to keep them, but not if they keep this up!

I apologize for not telling you about...

~ The incredible peace that prevails even when you're panicking.  Isn't that a contradiction?  Oh, no!  The body is crying out for relief, but the spirit is anchored in the Love of the Father.  This is the promised peace that passes understanding and it's very real.

~ The day, the very worst day of almost unbearable pain, when four couples came and gathered around me and they prayed for me and for each member of our family and it's never been quite as bad since.  They wrapped us in love, physically manifesting the love Jesus has for the hurting.  I long for instant miracles, but I mark that day as the day something changed, slowly but definitely.

~  The good news that the change was enough to avoid having surgery just days before Christmas.  It wouldn't have been the end of the world, but I count it a blessing!

~  The way I was able to shop just enough and to know that we had all we needed.  Christmas was simple, but more than enough.

~  That Jesus was born into awkward and He invites us to be unafraid.

~  That there are things I don't understand about God.  I truly don't.  But this I know, no-word-of-a-lie, look-you-in-the-eye, truth:  He is good.  He is very, very good.  We can trust Him.  Even when we don't understand.

There's more, much more.  Maybe now that I've come out in the open about it, I'll be able to share.

For now, please pray for the healing to be complete!  I long to get back in the saddle!  I've got places to go, people to meet, kids to raise, and blogs to write!

I resolve to be vulnerable.

Love and blessings,

Happy New Year!

From the Archives

It could be a coincidence, but I don't believe in them.  Today is the halfway mark in the month-long challenge to write a blog post per day.  For me personally, it's been a challenge to "stir up the gift".  I really didn't feel like I had much to say today.

My mom has been going through some old stuff and found a few things and mailed them to me thinking I'd enjoy the memories.  They arrived today.

I didn't remember the little booklet I made for her entitled "Encoragements".  It was my kids that noticed the theme and said, "You need to blog about that!"  More than thirty years ago (circa 1978) I wrote a booklet of "Encoragements" and now the subtitle to my blog is, "My purpose in writing is to encourage you..."  The subtitle on my homeschooling blog is, "A journal of encouragement..."

To discover this thread through my life stopped me in my tracks.  It was humbling and inspiring at the same time.  To see it is to recognize a gift and a destiny designed by the Creator.  The inspiration is to keep on!  He is the Source...

For God who said, "Let there be light in the darkness,"

has made this light shine in our hearts

 so we could know the glory of God that is seen in the face of Jesus Christ.

We now have this light shining in our hearts, 

but we ourselves are like fragile clay jars

containing this great treasure.

This makes it clear that our great power is from God, 

not from ourselves.

2 Corinthians 4:6-7

My encouragement for you today is to to remind you that you may feel like a fragile clay jar, but a great treasure has been placed within you!!  Stir it up and pour it out...it contains healing for the nations.

I carefully took the (yellowed!) pages of the booklet apart and scanned a few...  We'll call it a "repost from the archives."

Act of Worship

I dropped the ball today.  A couple of balls, in fact.  An extra got thrown into the juggling act and everything came crashing down.  Or dripping down.  In little salty puddles on my desk.  I uttered my most eloquent prayer: "Help!"

A desperate woman once came to Jesus and threw herself at his feet.  It's recorded that she came "and worshiped him, saying, Lord, help me!"

Turns out that desperately calling out isn't a sign of failure, but of worship.  She worshiped him saying, "Lord, help me!"

Worship isn't just about giving the best we have to offer, our talents, our hearts or our obedience.  It also includes acknowledging that He is the source of all that we need.

No magic wand swept away all my "dropped balls" this morning, but within minutes I had an encouraging phone call with a friend.  While on the phone another texted and said, "Praying for you right now.  How are things?"  Half an hour later another text from another friend saying they were thinking of me.  Really? 

Oh, how He loves us!  Jesus showed up "with skin on" in the form of my friends.  Their expressions of love strengthened my weary heart and gave me the courage to pick those balls back up and to get juggling again.

Matthew 15:25