That Stuff on the Wall

"I need some of that stuff on the wall."

Mystified, I glanced around...at animal posters, a string of Christmas lights, the skin of a long-dead critter, an adorable baby picture, and...cooties, definitely cooties.  

Not enlightened, I had to ask, "What stuff on the wall, Buddy?"

"You  know, the stuff you need all the time.  The letters you put on the wall."

I'm somewhat strangled by emotion.  Laughter and tears can be felt at the same time.  Intensely.

The "stuff" I "need...all the time."  It appears that I have modelled failure...often?  I know immediately to what stuff on the wall he refers.

Those letters I have stencilled on the wall in the hub of my home where they are needed often and desperately.  G...R...A...C...E.  Grace.

His cry for grace pierces my heart.  I burrow through tangled covers to wrap my arms around the sweating, heaving chest because I absolutely cannot refuse this cry for grace.  Impossible to be anything other than entreated.

"So if you sinful people know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give good gifts to those who ask Him..."

Indeed.   Why do I hesitate?  Frantically, foolishly, trying to remove stains with my own filthy hands.  Desperately trying to undo what's been done.  Justify.  Defy.  Clarify.  Who did what and when.  You.  Me.  Us.

What has been done cannot often be undone.  There is only one glorious cure.  Grace.  His divine presence entering the mess we've made.  Empowering the wronged to forgive.  Granting the guilty the privilege of standing free of shame.  All to be made beautiful.  Even that which cannot be undone.

Those letters have marked that spot for much more than a year, but it was only today that I recognized the irony of the fact that the "time out" bench has sat beneath those letters all this while.  The spot in which one sits to catch one's breath, to breathe deeply before any more words explode.  The spot to think for a moment before anything else thoughtless erupts into the atmosphere.  The spot one only gets sent to when it's too late.  When the damage has been done.

Except for grace.

"So let us boldly approach the throne of grace.  

Then we will receive mercy.

We will find grace to help us when we need it."

Boldly approach...receive...grace...we need.

Come and sit with me a while?  Let's stay long enough.  Long enough to soak up so much grace that all shame and distress is washed away.  Long enough that grace begins to run over and wash the chip off the shoulder.  Long enough to be filled to overflowing with grace for that one who feels like a thorn in my side, a pebble in your shoe, the spark to our fuse.  Long enough to worship.

Let's rest a while under the writing on the wall.

Because we all "need some of that stuff on the wall."

Matthew 7:11 NLT

Hebrews 4:16 NIRV

Crazy but True

She sits alone in the crowd.  All the other moms are in little groups, chatting.  She radiates isolation.    And I know.  I know.  

I've known isolation...and received healing Love that trumps the love of a hundred friends. I also know that this Love was made to pass on...sigh.  

I've said hello before and tried to strike up a conversation.  It was about as much fun as a tooth extraction.  I've done enough today.  Given all I have to give.  Jeepers, can't it be someone else's turn?  

These thoughts are pathetic at best... despicable really.  Jesus gave me Love that pulled me out of a pit of hopelessness and I must, must pass it on.  I'm compelled...not by a "should" but by gratitude.  But I'm not feeling it at the moment.

So I ask for the will, the want, from the One who promises to give "the desire and the power to do what pleases Him."  

How crazy is that??  He's lavished an incredible, extravagant, live-changing love on me.  I balk and whine about passing it on.  Rather than strike me with a cosmic lightening bolt, He offers to help me.  He grants desire and power to do what pleases Him.  

So many times I've thought He was angry with me, thought He'd rejected me because I couldn't get it right...and I couldn't have been more wrong.  He's there--ready, willing, eager to offer all the resources of heaven.

He's just waiting for my yes.  Yes, I'm willing to be made willing.

Sometimes His grace seems too amazing!  What can I do but fall more wildly, more crazily in love with Him?  

And greet a lonely stranger.  :-)

 “O Lord, there is no one like you. 

We have never even heard of another God like you!

1 Chronicles 17:20

Philippians  2:13

Asking for Help

"I will call you whenever I'm in trouble,

and you will answer me."

Who among us has not called out in desperation?  And who has not wondered if anyone is listening?

The chunk of time that stretches between the calling and the answer is the battleground.  Will we believe He's already got an answer on the way or will we call Him a liar?  It is only when we are in that place of tension that faith is really faith.  Faith, the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen.  Faith, the thing that pleases God.

In that no-man's land of waiting and wondering...when we declare that He is good and faithful and that we believe, we stir pleasure in the heart of the God of the universe.  He knows what it's like to live in human skin and not be able to see past the end of our noses.  He knows.  And the audience of heaven cheers us on. 

We call and He answers.  This is my story.  I know it is true.  He rescued me in a huge and eternal way from a life of hopelessness.  He daily rescues me from trouble.  Because He is good and full of love.

O Lord, you are so good

so ready to forgive,

so full of unfailing love for all who ask for your help.

No pagan god is like you, O Lord.

None can do what you do!

Psalm 86:5-7

Hebrews 11 & 12

This post is part of a series Love in a Box

Call...Rescue...Glory!

I tried to say what I meant, but it didn't come out that way...or maybe it did, but there was a filter and it wasn't understood.  It really mattered to me.  I wanted to be understood.  I may never know exactly what went awry, but what I do know is that communication is tricky and there have been a thousand times in my life when it's been hard.  Too hard.  I've made all kinds of "agreements" in those moments.  An open door for discouragement and heaviness to creep in.

My fingertips have been silent for a week.  I wanted to write, but it seemed the well had run dry.  I didn't like it.  Speaking, declaring, writing...words of hope unleashed in any form make me vibrantly, passionately alive.  The nasty double whammy is that heaviness, by it's very nature, makes it hard for us to find the key to precisely what is amiss.

Then call on me when you are in trouble,

and I will rescue you,

and you will give me glory...

I called.  And called.  I'm not always good at listening right away.  Quicker to make accusations about whose fault is what, to play the blame game.  A futile game that's not actually fun so I don't know why it's called a game...

Four days later I listened.  Really listened. Quietly.  Then I knew.  Pain had come because of who said what, but the heaviness came because of what I agreed with..and it wasn't what any human said.  It was the voices that say, "You don't make any sense.  You say stupid things.  You're really bad at communicating..."  It sounded enough like the truth that I believed it.  That was enough to shut down the flow.

I repented to the One who has filled me with words...sorry, so sorry, that I've believed the stupid lies again. Forgave the one who misunderstood.  I'm not always good at communicating.  I need grace.  Lots of it.  But I have been given something to say and I need to say it...no one else will say it in quite the same way or to the same people.  Because the words He gives are spirit and life, they're powerful.  Of course, the enemy will assault, attack, and undermine at every opportunity.

You have an assignment too.  It's unique to you and no one else can do it.  When you're on assignment you may feel terrified, but also vividly alive.  Perhaps you too can recognize that this gift gets horribly assaulted from time to time.  Call on Him when you're in trouble.  He will rescue.  Cast off the lie and shine.  We need you.

The rescued ones give Him glory!

He taught me how to sing the latest God-song,

a praise song to our God.

More and more people are seeing this:

they enter the mystery, abandoning themselves to God.

Psalm 40:3 MSG

Psalm 50:15

Act of Worship

I dropped the ball today.  A couple of balls, in fact.  An extra got thrown into the juggling act and everything came crashing down.  Or dripping down.  In little salty puddles on my desk.  I uttered my most eloquent prayer: "Help!"

A desperate woman once came to Jesus and threw herself at his feet.  It's recorded that she came "and worshiped him, saying, Lord, help me!"

Turns out that desperately calling out isn't a sign of failure, but of worship.  She worshiped him saying, "Lord, help me!"

Worship isn't just about giving the best we have to offer, our talents, our hearts or our obedience.  It also includes acknowledging that He is the source of all that we need.

No magic wand swept away all my "dropped balls" this morning, but within minutes I had an encouraging phone call with a friend.  While on the phone another texted and said, "Praying for you right now.  How are things?"  Half an hour later another text from another friend saying they were thinking of me.  Really? 

Oh, how He loves us!  Jesus showed up "with skin on" in the form of my friends.  Their expressions of love strengthened my weary heart and gave me the courage to pick those balls back up and to get juggling again.

Matthew 15:25

Determination

I knew there would be days (probably Tuesdays, my marathon day) that it would be hard to keep up the daily commitment to blog...

I did a poll at suppertime for suggestions.  Only one was made, "Blog about determination!  Determination to do what you said you would do!"  Out of the mouths of babes...  It did remind me of one of my favorite verses.

"Because the Sovereign Lord helps me,

I will not be disgraced.

Therefore I have set my face like a flint,

determined to do his will.

And I know that I will triumph.

Isaiah 50:7

Determined to do his will.

His will...loving the unlovable...patient in parenting...serving the unthankful...faithful in the things no one else will ever know about...forgiving...giving...thankful in all things...honoring each other...

Difficult, if not impossible, to triumph in all of that apart from His help.

I like the word triumph.  It's not "barely" or "limping across the finish line".  We might be able to manage that on our own strength.  However, with His help we can triumph!  Not disgraced.  Exuberant and emphatic victory!

The trick is not trying to do it on our own strength or out of our own ability.

Lean into Him for help.

With His help we will triumph.  Guaranteed.