Where the Grass is Greener

We sat across from each other over coffee and crumpled, crumby napkins, catching up.

She told me how long her evenings had been with her hubby working extra hours.

I tried to feel compassionate but was mostly wondering how she could complain...after all she has three solid days of solitude every week. What I wouldn't give for that!  I'm certain if I had 21 blessed hours of peace and quiet I could leap over tall buildings in a single bound.

I felt horrible immediately.  If we had to pick challenges, I'd keep mine over hers any day.  Yet there I was peering over the fence at her presumably greener grass.  Because we have that kind of friendship, I confessed.  She 'fessed up too.  Apparently she'd been thinking my grass was looking pretty sweet.

The seductive allure of that emerald green grass on the other side of the fence.

I heard a message last summer about longing for your neighbor's greener grass, and how our own would be greener if we'd take care of the weeds.  My head assented to the sound logic, but my heart was heavy.  I know better than anyone else just how weedy my lawn is and how hard I've worked to eradicate all the nasties.  How many times I've been certain that I finally annihilated one only to find it as hardy as a wretched dandelion.  Exhausting.

There is, however, a place where the grass is green beyond my wildest dreams.

This green meadow is not of my own making.  It's a place discovered while following the Shepherd.

When I follow Him I have everything I need.  He lets me rest in those green meadows.  There He renews my strength.

He leads me in the paths of righteousness.  He wants to.  He's a shepherd.  He leads me into righteousness--it's not the result of my own efforts.

The key to greener pastures is not in seeking weeds, but in seeking the Shepherd.  If you see a weed, by all means, ask the Shepherd how He wants you to deal with it.  Otherwise, let's keep our eyes on the Shepherd and our ears tuned to His voice and follow.  If you feel lost, find His voice in a favorite Psalm or begin to worship, giving thanks in all things.  This will lead to pastures so green you'll never long for the turf on the other side of the fence again.

The Lord is my shepherd;

I have all that I need.

He lets me rest in green meadows;

he leads me beside peaceful streams.

He guides me along right path,

bringing honour to his name.

My cup overflows with blessings.

Psalm 23:1-3, 5b NLT

Guardian of My Soul

"...the Guardian of your souls."


The phrase floated through my mind off and on all day yesterday.  The flavour of the words satisfied me.  Finally, I stopped to track them down...somewhere toward the end of the New Testament...found them at the end of 1 Peter 2.


"Once you were like sheep who wandered away.  But now you have turned to your Shepherd, the Guardian of your souls."


I love the sheep/Shepherd analogies.  Sheep aren't so smart, prone to wandering, in need of much care.  Sheep and I have a lot in common.  Shepherds keep sheep safe, nurture, provide, seek them when lost.  He's all that and the Guardian of my soul?  Sounds good, but does "soul" mean soul or was it just the best English word translators could find? I was hoping, but I needed to know for sure.


Happiness!  The Greek word means "the seat of the feelings, desires, affections, aversions."  This is good news for me as I tend to experience life in technicolor.  My feelings, desires, affections, aversions...they need guarding.


He's obviously not the kind of guardian that has me under lock and key...but He is Shepherding me, caring for me, watching over me.  When my emotions get all in a tangle and I can't figure out why I'm suddenly feeling the way I am, He knows.  I just need to lean into Him and listen.  


So many things sneak up, creep in, creep out...  Hours later I find myself reacting to something completely unrelated to the undetected trigger.  I find myself wondering, "What on earth??"  The Guardian of my soul knows.  This is good news for my husband and kids who are most often the recipients of my stray emotions.


And those "desires, affections and aversions."  They need guarding.  Big time.  My soul often wants things that aren't good for it.  Seeks comfort in the wrong places.  Loves or doesn't love according to agendas that are not holy.


I love this Shepherd who watches over my soul.

How kind the Lord is!

How good he is!

So merciful, this God of ours!

Let my soul be at rest again,

for the Lord has been good to me.

He has saved me from death,

my eyes from tears, my feet from stumbling.

And so I walk in the Lord's presence as I live here on earth!

Psalm 116:5, 7-9

Foolish Wisdom

I was 23 years old the day that I stumbled out of the seventh specialist's office, barely able to see through a blur of tears. They all spoke similar words: incurable, the possibility of having children is slim-to-none, the best we can offer is a surgery which will also have the effect of certain infertility.

Only this doctor had been harsher, much harsher: "You're foolish to continue in pain like this. Take charge of your life! Get the surgery and be done with it." I wasn't married, had no husband-in-waiting, but couldn't take this drastic step. Foolish. Maybe.

There was a gentle man with big green eyes in my life. I wasn't yet sure there was a future with him, but I told him my story. His response: "That's just the best opinion humans have to offer. Only God knows for sure what your future holds and whatever it is, His plans are always good." Wise words.

It was five years later that I looked into those same green eyes and whispered the impossible, "We're going to have a baby." There was still pain in my body only now it was different. The pain was no longer being caused by dysfunction, but by life, a life that was growing and breaking up scar tissue.

And so it has been with motherhood: joy mixed with pain as the scar tissue of my soul has been stretched and broken to make a way for these little lives to grow healthy and strong.

How foolish is it of God to place life inside a broken person, to trust them with the shaping of another life when theirs is still so unformed? Or is it a profound wisdom which recognizes that the power of mother-love will stir the heart to fight for freedom for the sake of her children?

The challenges of parenting have revealed weak places and fractures and have inspired a desperate desire for wholeness so that my brokenness might not harm my children. This love has made me willing to be vulnerable and address what might otherwise have remained tucked away and "not a big deal". Scar tissue has been stretched and reshaped to make way for Life and it is good. Maybe it is wise rather than foolish to give children to fragile parents.

This reckless pursuit of freedom has been met with wide open arms. Arms that have been waiting for me to run into them. Waiting for my willingness to engage in the process. He's been very gentle and kind. He's generously provided wisdom and patience far greater than my own. He's also been extravagant. He's blessed me with three beautiful children and filled our home with laughter. We fall and we get back up again...and again. My children have seen my weakness and they've witnessed my redemption. He truly is the God of the impossible.

My mother modeled this pursuit of grace for me and on this Mother's Day I honour and thank her for that--it may be one of the greatest gifts she's given to me.

May you be blessed this Mother's Day with a peaceful knowing that perfection in parenting is not the goal. Simply follow the gentle Shepherd. He will lead you and your children safely through the valleys and into green pastures.

"He will feed his flock like a shepherd.
He will carry the lambs in his arms,
holding them close to his heart.
He will gently lead the mother
sheep with their young."
Isaiah 40:11