Foolish Wisdom

I was 23 years old the day that I stumbled out of the seventh specialist's office, barely able to see through a blur of tears. They all spoke similar words: incurable, the possibility of having children is slim-to-none, the best we can offer is a surgery which will also have the effect of certain infertility.

Only this doctor had been harsher, much harsher: "You're foolish to continue in pain like this. Take charge of your life! Get the surgery and be done with it." I wasn't married, had no husband-in-waiting, but couldn't take this drastic step. Foolish. Maybe.

There was a gentle man with big green eyes in my life. I wasn't yet sure there was a future with him, but I told him my story. His response: "That's just the best opinion humans have to offer. Only God knows for sure what your future holds and whatever it is, His plans are always good." Wise words.

It was five years later that I looked into those same green eyes and whispered the impossible, "We're going to have a baby." There was still pain in my body only now it was different. The pain was no longer being caused by dysfunction, but by life, a life that was growing and breaking up scar tissue.

And so it has been with motherhood: joy mixed with pain as the scar tissue of my soul has been stretched and broken to make a way for these little lives to grow healthy and strong.

How foolish is it of God to place life inside a broken person, to trust them with the shaping of another life when theirs is still so unformed? Or is it a profound wisdom which recognizes that the power of mother-love will stir the heart to fight for freedom for the sake of her children?

The challenges of parenting have revealed weak places and fractures and have inspired a desperate desire for wholeness so that my brokenness might not harm my children. This love has made me willing to be vulnerable and address what might otherwise have remained tucked away and "not a big deal". Scar tissue has been stretched and reshaped to make way for Life and it is good. Maybe it is wise rather than foolish to give children to fragile parents.

This reckless pursuit of freedom has been met with wide open arms. Arms that have been waiting for me to run into them. Waiting for my willingness to engage in the process. He's been very gentle and kind. He's generously provided wisdom and patience far greater than my own. He's also been extravagant. He's blessed me with three beautiful children and filled our home with laughter. We fall and we get back up again...and again. My children have seen my weakness and they've witnessed my redemption. He truly is the God of the impossible.

My mother modeled this pursuit of grace for me and on this Mother's Day I honour and thank her for that--it may be one of the greatest gifts she's given to me.

May you be blessed this Mother's Day with a peaceful knowing that perfection in parenting is not the goal. Simply follow the gentle Shepherd. He will lead you and your children safely through the valleys and into green pastures.

"He will feed his flock like a shepherd.
He will carry the lambs in his arms,
holding them close to his heart.
He will gently lead the mother
sheep with their young."
Isaiah 40:11

Scars

I was mowing the lawn for the first time this season when I moved a piece of plywood that was slightly stuck and, in the process, gouged my calf with a corner. It really hurt and didn't look so good for quite a few days. It's looking better today. I sarcastically observed that "it'll add to the beauty of that leg". For some reason I have a lot of scars on that one...

Like the one on my knee from 1979 that still has rocks in it. I should have obeyed my mom and not taken my brother on the back of my banana seat bike... My kids love that story. Signs that mom once blew it too--and it wasn't the end of the story!

This got me to thinking about the scars on our hearts. We seldom think of them as beautiful and sometimes there's a bit of shame attached to them, but there's tremendous beauty in the miracle of a wound that has been healed.

Sometimes we carry scars that are "almost" healed, but are still a bit red and sensitive and seem like they've been that way for a long time. It's not meant to stay that way. Pray for complete healing. Ask someone you trust to pray with you.* God will answer--He's invested everything in your healing. He's answered this prayer for me in many ways and there's no end to His creativity. Pray with expectation!

There are times when our hearts have been healed, but shame lingers. We think it's the story of The Stupid Thing I Did or The Awful Thing That Happened to Me. This is a terrible lie that can stop the flow of Life from us to others. The truth is that everyone has wounds, but we have a testimony of a glorious Savior who heals the brokenhearted and binds up our wounds.

A wound that has healed is a beautiful thing. It's a testimony, a story, that tells of a great Healer who gave everything so we could be healed. Stories of healing need to be shared...everyone around you is in need of that hope!

The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is upon me,
for the LORD has anointed me to
bring good news to the poor.
He has sent me to comfort the brokenhearted
and to proclaim that captives will be freed.
He has sent me to tell those who mourn
that the time of the LORD'S favour has come
and, with it, the day of God's anger against their enemies.
To all who mourn in Israel,
he will give a crown of beauty for ashes,
a joyous blessing instead of mourning,
festive praise instead of despair.
In their righteousness, they will be like great oaks
that the LORD has planted for his own glory.
Isaiah 61: 1-3

*You can send me a private message if you'd like me to pray--I'd love to pray for you.