The Difficult Obedience

When He asks something of us and we choose to obey...in that moment we only know what we are giving up, letting go of, surrendering.  We may have hopes and ideas about the fruit of our obedience, but the only thing we know for sure is what we are giving--and hopefully the One to whom we are giving.  Therein lies the guarantee.

The boy with the loaves and fish was sought out by the disciples and asked if he would give what he had.  Five loaves and two fish sounds like a huge lunch to me, but I imagine his mother packing a lunch for him as I do for my son.  Some boys need to eat a lot.  They love eating!  As I picture this young lad in my mind, I wonder if he was reluctant to give up his lunch?  My son would be--he's always hungry.  Or perhaps when he looked into the eyes of the Son of God his hesitation melted away?  Whatever the case, when he put his "little" into the hands of the Master something profoundly amazing happened.  I'm sure he had no idea in the moment of "letting go" what was about to unfold.  We still talk about it two thousand years later.

Sometimes the giving asked of us feels huge and we wrestle with it--whether it's our tithe or our time or, you know, whatever it is He's asking of you.  In that moment all we can see is what it's going to cost us.  Unless we look at the One to whom we give it.  The greatest we have to give is nothing in comparison to the One to whom we give.

Sometimes I struggle because I place such a high value on what I'm letting go of...as though He wouldn't turn it into something far greater than I could imagine.  Sometimes what I have to give seems paltry or even pathetic in the face of the need.  Much like five loaves to feed five thousand.

The world is in desperate need of what He can do with our "little".  Given, blessed, broken, nourishment for many.

And he took the five cakes of bread and the two fishes and,

 looking up to heaven,

he said words of blessing over them, and when they had been broken,

he gave them to the disciples to give to the people.

Luke 9:16

Unbalanced

Balance is one of our cultural buzz words. Really, who doesn't appreciate the wisdom in making sure that we work and play, run and rest? It just makes sense. Usually.

However, there is this "other world" that influences mine. An economy that doesn't quite function along the lines of my natural, human logic. It's unbalanced. It calls me to places of extreme. It is in that upside-down, inside-out, illogical place of obedience I find a rest that "balance" could never bring.

Obedience is sometimes huge and difficult, but goes unnoticed by any other than the cheering angels. Sometimes our obedience is public and open to censure.

Our family is being called to some obedience that feels a little extreme and, by it's nature, public. We're going to home school two of our three children. The reactions of others and my own emotions have sometimes left me feeling wildly unbalanced. I dread the negative responses and I have moments of being uncomfortably aware that there are challenges ahead of me. Each time I go back over all that has lead us to this point, I find myself in a gloriously unbalanced place of restful exhilaration.

I'm starting a new blog that will be more specific to our adventures in homeschooling and I will continue writing more general posts here. If you'd like to join me on our journey and hopefully receive encouragement for your own journey--whatever it may be--you can follow on Wild Obedience.

I bless you with the courage live gloriously unbalanced in whatever ways God is calling you.

"I recommend we abandon the dream of balance.

Maybe you can attain to balance fleetingly, in Zenlike moments of personal bliss,

but generally the kingdom of God permits us no such inner quietude and windless poise. The kingdom of God since the days of John the Baptist,

Jesus said, has been forcefully advancing, and forceful people, violent people--unbalanced men and women, I take that to mean--lay hold of it."

~Mark Buchanan