Last weekend my husband and I attended a conference that is billed as "The Largest Equipping and Renewal Conference in North America". I do, indeed, feel more equipped and definitely feel renewed. Worshiping God with seven thousand voices raised in unison is an experience that feels pretty close to my best imaginings of heaven.
Ironically, I also found myself having a moment of uncertainty about the reality that God can be as intimate as I believe Him to be. In a milling crowd of seven thousand I was overcome by a feeling of insignificance. Not in a healthy you-are-not-the-center-of-the-universe way, but as a whisper of doubt. Seven thousand is only a small fraction of six billion. Is it really, truly possible that God is as involved and concerned about the intimate details of my life as I believe? Is the communion I feel with Him real or just my imagination? Alarm bells were ringing that these doubts were coming from a liar who is always seeking to steal our joy.
I'm comforted by the fact that King David asked these same questions. "When I look at the night sky and see the work of your fingers--the moon and the stars you set in place--what are mere mortals that you should think about them, human beings that you should care for them?" (Psalm 8:3-4) King David also penned some of my favorite answers to this question: "O Lord...you know everything about me. You know when I sit down or stand up. You know my thoughts even when I'm far away. You see me when I travel and when I rest at home. You know everything I do. You know what I am going to say even before I say it, Lord. You go before me and follow me. You place your hand of blessing on my head... You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed. How precious are your thoughts about me, O God. They cannot be numbered! I can't even count them; they outnumber the grains of sand!" (Psalm 139)
Lest we think that maybe David was just under some happy delusion when he wrote this, Jesus confirmed it in His own words: "What is the price of two sparrows--one copper coin? But not a single sparrow can fall to the ground without your Father knowing it. And the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don't be afraid; you are more valuable to God than a whole flock of sparrows." (Matthew 10:29-31) The very hairs of my head are all numbered? One look at my bathroom sink will confirm that this is a number that changes frequently! This tells us then that He's not just checking in with us from time to time, but is with us moment by moment just as David said.
Our small brains cannot comprehend a God so huge that this can be true about six billion people. I'm with David in saying, "Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too great for me to understand!" (Psalm 139:6) Yet I know it's true.
I could relate many stories that confirm God is involved in the details of my life and they would be interesting and faith-building, but not as personal as your own stories. If you're struggling right now with wondering if God really cares, I pray that God will send His Holy Spirit to remind you of moments when He has intimately touched your life. I also pray for a fresh revelation of His love. He wants you to know that He cares and part of the job of His Holy Spirit is to comfort you and "bring all things to your remembrance". (John 14:26 KJV) Today may not be the day that you get the answer to some of the struggles you're facing, but being reminded of His care for you will give you the confidence to hang on to your faith that He holds the answer.